Day by day

Today was literally a day from hell. No one big thing happened that was horrible, it was just a series of neverending crappiness. I couldn't get myself into a good mood and my children followed suit.....all....day....long. I finally ended up putting them both to bed early. I thought that my bad day had ended, but not so. Still more stuff happened to ensure that this post would be true. It has been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day as Alexander would say. And I am seriously contemplating moving to Australia, except that I know the end of that book, so it's useless to do that. All I can do is go to bed and hope and pray that tomorrow will be better than today was.

One piece of silver lining to my day though happened as I was tucking in my 4 year-old. I was singing her requested songs and in the middle of it all, she said she was sorry for being so horrible and mean to me all day. And it was actually sincere. I think she had actually been thinking about it for a while. That did make my heart melt. She is actually learning something. And she does actually know right from wrong. And it made up for the fact that she had been mean to me pretty much all day long. She asked if I could ever forgive her and I told her, of course.

It just goes to show me that though I may feel pessimistic about motherhood sometimes, my children are listening and some things are sinking in. A little payday!

Awkwardness and Loneliness

Today was another day that reminded me that I'm kinda lonely. I realized I haven't had a kindred spirit kind of friend since I got married. My husband is definitely a kindred spirit, but I don't have a girlfriend kindred spirit. I went to a surprise birthday party this morning and it was fun. But I left feeling so out of place (like I have felt pretty much everywhere we've lived since we got married). I know I have friends and very nice acquaintances, but I long for one dear friend who finds me interesting and who I find equally interesting. I have decided that it is far harder to find that sort of friend now that I'm married and am a stay-at-home mom. But I wish I had someone that I could just call out of the blue for no good reason and not have the phone call feel awkward.

Maybe someday I'll have that close kind of friendship again like I did when I was in high school and college. One that I can be myself - good or bad - and know that that person still loves me and though they may think I'm weird, they still want to spend time with me.